The Futility of Relationships

The main purpose of this written article is to help me articulate and structure my thoughts upon the above subject. Over the past few months, a series of events has tremendously altered my perspectives on relationships, both platonic relationships and romantic relationships. Once again, I have descended back into my mind palace and reflected on this aspect of my life thus far, therefore I hope these few found principles will help those who are reading to get over their relationship problems.

Introduction

I think it would be more constructive and fitting if I were to divide this article into a few sections. First, I shall be briefly describing on the said events that triggered my reflection in the first place. In accordance with this, I will then be sharing my new principles and philosophies upon interpersonal relationships in general, which I hope is useful for those interested.

Past Events and Incidents

Platonic Incident

Obviously, I will not be directly referencing names or using actual descriptions on what happened. Alternatively, a general context will be given to substitute its absence.

To start it off, the first incident that caused me to have such deep pondering sessions is related to my platonic friendships. this particular friendship had caused a stir within my emotional state because I deemed this relationship dearly, and that the people involved were quite close to me within my social circle. Incidentally, it was foolish of me to put anything so close to my heart, as that opens my emotional self to vulnerability. I had sensed that I was being the outcast of the group ever since a new "member" joined the gang. To be honest, I have never thought much of it, and that I shall merely let this play out by itself. Not interfering with the natural flow of things had always been my primary philosophy after all.

Despite this, I felt that deep down, this relationship I had with them was falling apart, therefore its continuation past school seemed bleak to say the least. I had been mentally preparing for that time to come ever since that revelation came upon me. I just never thought that that day would come with such speed and suddenness. To use the cliché proverb, it came "out of the blue". On that fateful day, something happened that made me instantly understand that I was being instantaneously ousted from that close friendship. Though it was subtle, unobvious and indirect, it is to my overthinking nature's credit that helped me figure it out. To reiterate, their actions on that day had given me a clear indication of their abandonment towards myself, whether if it was intentional or not, I have not had the luxury to perform further analysis.

In retrospect, the feelings I felt immediately after their actions were not of sadness or anger, of which is common to those experiencing this. I did not cry, nor did I feel dread. In complete contrast to that, I felt a sense of bittersweet peace with myself. It was a type of peace that comes with a hint of sorrow, solemn and cold in its nature, but remains comforting and intimate at its core. Upon reflection, the reason of this "peace" was because of my early acceptance towards the Laws of Nature, and my readily prepared mentality. In spite of a continuous feeling of emptiness, I did also feel liberated from my relentless efforts to save the relationship. It was this in particular, that made me felt the least sense of hope towards this new age of loneliness.

Accompanying this sense of peace, however, was the fact that I did get coldly betrayed by the people I deemed close to me. Hence, although I was peaceful, I felt deeply disappointed in them as well. I am disappointed in how they valued me as a friend. I am disappointed in how they had no regard for my wellbeing despite having a better connection with that new member of the group. I am disappointed that they just abandoned me even after years of bonding, sessions of helping them through tough times, countless times of encouragement through bad experiences and my infinite commitment towards this much appreciated friendship. Turns out not everyone can appreciate your commitment.

I remember clearly that I showed no emotions externally despite being extremely troubled internally. Therefore, everyone around me had not even picked up on what had happened to me. My inextricable will to hide my emotions did me wonders, to the point that those responsible in causing this upstir in the first place did not even know of my troubles. Some of you might deem this as toxic, but I would argue that the inability of doing what I did should be deemed weak and vulnerable, as further harm might be dealt if that is not done. Despite this external façade, I did eventually share this experience with my parents, and that their willingness to listen through to what I had to say is much appreciated. In addition to this, some other friends of mine also checked up on me after my status update on social media, with one of whom going as far as to talk and listen to my rants up till the early hours of 2am. To say the least, I appreciate this dearly.

Romantic Incident

Moving on, this departure from one of the closest social circles I've had has resulted in me having frequent hormonal imbalances, of which had not happened since I was 14. Knowing this clearly, this phenomenon has also made me reevaluate the world of romance, in particular the aspects of "puppy romances" and "real romances". To say the least, these constant pondering upon these 2 topics refreshed my mental space greatly, despite making me more fatigued as time went on.

Even before this, I've experienced a weird interaction with a girl I've not truly interacted with for quite some time. This kick started my amygdala into overdrive and caused my prefrontal cortex to be thrown out of the building down 100 floors. Consequently, I kept reflecting and thinking back on the entire interaction constantly, which eventually made me consider pursuing a romantic relationship.

Fortunately for me, this absolute idiocrasy did not last long as my rational self was reinstated as the governing body after the emotional coup. However, I gave myself some time to rethink about my decisions to start a relationship with her by making detailed analysis upon different aspects, a technique I've instated upon myself after my last romantic endeavours. I shall be elaborating more on this in the next section of the article. To wrap up this short story though, I've made the conclusion that it would be best if we were to remain as friends for now due to the fact that we've not been interacting for the past few years, and no relationship prospers without deep understanding towards the significant other.

Principles Related to Interpersonal Relationships

When it comes to relationships in general, I follow a few principles when mingling with other people. I shall divide this section once again into 2 parts, though one has to note that principles can be applied to both types of relationships.

For platonic relationships, it is best for one to never put their complete and unsolicited trust to any other person at all. Always have some barrier between one and one's friend for the protection of one's self-interest and wellbeing. By doing this, one can always pull back from a platonic relationship even if its deemed close and intimate. My experiences mentioned above serves as a wonderful example to this principle. In addition to this, never share too much of your life within platonic relationships, as it can be used against you when you least expect it. For example, crushes, deep dark secrets, radical thoughts, etc. should never be shared.

Besides this, one should never bend oneself to conform with the norm within a social circle. Never betray your own principles and philosophies for the fact that you want to be closer to a friend or a group. This will inevitably harm you in the long run, as this action is equivalent to wearing a mask when interacting with a friend, and not showing your true self. However, a mask should be worn in some circumstances when one cannot communicate with people for the general benefit of one's social life. Even if you do not show your true self, as long as you acknowledge that they can never accept your true self, then you can remain reaping benefits from relationships without harming yourself. Note that this could be counterproductive when you are trying to build meaningful relationships with anyone. "Meaningful" relationships meaning the forging of a brotherhood, the sculpting of a true alliance with someone.

In general, do note that platonic relationships is inconsequential in the long run when compared to romantic relationships and familial relationships. Despite it allowing comradery and brotherhood, it can never be more consequential when compared to the other 2 types of relationships. Therefore, one should be careful when balancing these 3 relationships within their scale of importance.

For romantic relationships, it must be seriously noted that one should not pursue a relationship because one yearns for it. It should come naturally, obeying the Laws of Nature. Before even considering a romance, always note that the rational side of a relationship should be considered as the utmost importance. For instance, one should not be blinded by hormones when considering if they should pursue a romantic relationship or not. Always keep a list of criteria that a significant other must meet in order to forge a long-lasting and meaningful romance. For reference, my list is as below:

• Their general character

• Their modus operandi

• Their ambitions, prospects, and dreams

• Their thirst for knowledge, truth and justice

• Their toughness

• Their ability to communicate with you

• Their ability to hold mature and serious conversations with you

• Their ability to be compassionate and be understanding

• Their ability to merely stay by your side during hard times and work it through

• Whether if they're distinguished for filial piety

• Whether if they're able to share their emotions and thoughts without reserve

If one is in a relationship, one should always be compassionate and caring, not to mention understanding and tolerating. These crucial qualities are important for a long term romantic relationship. This is because true trust and bonds could be built when meaningful conversations could be held when one's distraught with something. Besides this, one should always give leeway to the significant other and be able to adapt and change slightly for the benefit of the relationship. Also, never hide grudges from each other. Talk. And talk. And talk, until everything is cleared of.

In general, it is ill-fated if one only pursues a relationship for it to only be a puppy romance. This, in my opinion, is absolutely futile. Living off the honeymoon phase of high hormones of the opposite sex is of no use for one's development and romantic life. Instead, one should yearn for a long-term and constructive relationship, of which is able to build oneself up from the ground. From my personal perspectives, I would only go into a romantic relationship if the significant other in question is suitable for me to marry once we date for some time. Yes, I deem my romances with the utmost of seriousness. If I could date you, it means that I could and would eventually marry you (I know that it does seem quite radical).

Conclusion

I hope that everyone understands that most relationships one takes part in is futile to say the least. Even those that might be deemed close, eventually becomes of no value. Therefore, it would be wise for all to appreciate those around you before it eventually ends, and that one should always cherish the friendships that allows for a everlasting brotherhood. In contexts of romantic relationships, I do wish that more people would take it more seriously and less like its puppy romances so meaningful romances could be forged.

Love someone with sincerity, move on when its not repaid.

~Cheerful :D