As of late, I have been toiling away contemplating about the subject presented in the above title, with good reason. I have just graduated from secondary school, just like many of my fellow cohorts and contemporaries. Initially, the sweet release from the trenches of our national examinations seemed liberating and, quite frankly, well deserved. In the few months that followed, I, like many, have indulged in this new-found freedom presented after our victorious conquering of the said exams.
This found freedom, though seemingly an inconsequential reward of such on the surface, was much deeper and more profound than one might expect. I myself, have come to realise its significance and therefore forced myself into examining my own actions during this time-period. The following parts will essentially be story-time.
After the end of 13 March 2023, I was left in the dust with nothing to do. No goals, no objectives, no mission. It was quite a surreal feeling that I have not experienced before, as if the bulk of my own conscious burden has been lifted completely off my shoulders. To be utterly honest, I felt a deep sense of tranquility and peace, partly because of my vicious battle with self-doubt and anxiety in the period after the trials.
Frankly, a lot was going on in my mind during that time, and I was not in a favourable position to think about petty emotions as well. Not only was I anxiously preparing myself for the national examinations (SPM obviously), I was also met with emotional obstacles regarding platonic, romantic and familial relationships, an episode of depression after overworking myself in academic and mental regards, and also the inevitability of forever goodbyes after SPM was done. All of this was fortunately resolved slowly in its own right. I still maintained a wonderful friendship with the best of friends one could ever ask for; I amicably ended things off with what started as a gargantuan misunderstanding; and I remained mentally strong even if I was suffering from the results of overworking and anxiety.
All that came either during or after the exams, which I must add, is wonderful timing. That mentioned peace was sorely missed, and was duly cherished. With most dramas and turmoil behind me, I was then faced with nothing at all, nothing but an overwhelming surplus of free time. Initially, this time was spent playing Minecraft or some other games which was brought to my attention, though that quickly phased out due to reasons of unproductivity. I wanted to fill my time with things that far benefitted me more. It was then I was contacted for a part time job as an English tutor, the details of which I might write another article about. I also enrolled in an online course about a topic I was most interested in at the time. Both events subsequently filled in most of my free hours, with the remainders being used as entertainment.
All this leads me to the present day, with important events happening ever so often, which I wont be mentioning. Throughout this time, I have felt a sense of growing up. and I believe that a lot of my peers have felt as such as well. In school, we are often tasked with only one goal: academic excellence, but now in society, we are not given a certain firm objective or benchmark to reach anymore. In its place are the societal foundations which we put our concern to, that being matters of family, finance, personal growth, mental fortitude, health and our general wellbeing as a functioning member of society. All this was anticipated by yours truly beforehand, but I never expected it to overwhelm me to such a degree where I doubt my capabilities at certain times. This shift in mindset, to become a multi-oriented goal achiever, was something that needed time for adaptation. The toxicity that came with it were also to be overcame. In addition to all this is no doubt a depart from familiarity. Hard, truly hard goodbyes to those I've known for years, and brave, truly brave hellos to those that took their place.
What is written here, is just the beginning of growing up, and there is one aspect I want to write about, which compelled me to begin writing this piece in the first place.
That would be the dispersion of our social circle. It is fair to assume that most of us have already experienced this before, with the dispersion of our social circle post-primary schooling being a prime example. However, I found that this particular time was especially heart-wrenching for me. Maybe because of my own fond attachment to that person, or because our busy new selves are now incompatible with each other. I have recently took part in goodbye dinners and reunions, one of which was especially hard for me. I guess I feel sentimental when most of my social circle are dispersing because of the risk of being distant thereafter? As of now I have still not processed this part of my train-of-thought, due to various reasons of course. All I can say is that leaving is hard; distancing is hard; and adapting is hard. But all of this is but an inevitable process of growing up, just like what was done in primary as well. All of us have to get through this as we all embark in a new journey into tertiary education. I shall bare in mind this superb quote by Ted Mosby, How I Met your Mother:
You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.
I have people I'd like to keep around even after we've went our separate ways in the trajectory of life, and I will do my best to ensure that measures are done. I envy my mother for having 3 of her closest Secondary friends still in contact for over 30 years, and I strive to do so as well. I see them enjoying each other's company during reunions in various buffet locations, as I see myself enjoying my friend's company during our get-togethers. I'd like to see a day where those closest to me could still go, sit down somewhere, and reminisce about the "good olé days". As I age, I find myself using the classic "back in my day" when talking to juniors and students alike; using "you youngsters" followed by whatever oldie advice I'd give to them; and the famed "good olé days" when talking about the past. We are, ladies and gentlemen, growing up, and growing old.
In accordance to this, I'll have to remind everyone that the inevitability of age does not only affect you, but also your aging parents. As I grow older and older, I have felt that age is affecting my parents even more. It is, scientifically, an exponential effect. These 2 people, have dedicated their entire lives in raising a sack of meat, and I would expect this sack of meat to repay their efforts as best as it can when it has the ability to do so. Again, I might be writing a separate article on this, as my thoughts far outweighs the topic of this piece. But as a general note, our parents are, for the most part, the only source of unconditional love, affection and support that we get in our lifetime, as we will be the only source of unconditional love, affection and support for our children as well. Filial piety in its truest form, is merely by spending more time with them, and trying our best in doing what we can for them. We owe them everything, truly, everything. I want my parents to retire as soon as they can, and by growing up, I find myself slowly being in the position to accomplish this goal. I hope this aspiration resonates with other young adults reading this article.
As a final note, so as I get closer and closer to getting involved in university life, I shall be in peace with the knowledge that people don't ever completely leave you if you don't leave them, and that I'll fare well in welcoming the intricacies of adulthood, however overwhelming it may be. I'll do well not only for myself, but for my future and family. And for you readers who are of similar age, I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is that you do, and may all your endeavours be forever successful.
Till death do us part, so long, we'll meet again.
~Cheerful :D
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